NFL IN LA: MIAMI DOLPHINS NOT RELOCATING TO LOS ANGELES (AND STADIUM GAME THEORY)
By Jaboner Jackson 8 a.m. | Despite posturing in the media by Miami Dolphins' owner Steve Ross after a failed legislative attempt to bring to the residents of Miami-Dade County a vote regarding renovations for Sun Life Stadium, the Dolphins are not relocating to Los Angeles. Any media noise or speculation to the contrary is wrong. Despite the efforts by AEG and Majestic Realty over past few years to get Farmers Field and Los Angeles Stadium off the ground, Los Angeles remains only a bargaining chip for the NFL--and increasingly one which no municipality should take seriously.
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NFL IN LA: JABONER JACKSON HAS RETURNED FROM BRAZIL, PART 2
By Jaboner Jackson 8 a.m. | Last week, I reviewed the developments regarding the NFL in LA that have occurred while I have been away in Brazil (Brasil) during the past year. As our Wonderful Readers are aware, the NFL in LA has imploded in my absence. AEG's Farmers Field died, Majestic Realty's Los Angeles Stadium remained the forgotten stepchild, and the NFL pretended to still be interested in Los Angeles as a football market. Today, FOOTBALLPHDS looks ahead to the cloudy future of the NFL in LA by examining what went wrong with Farmers Field and LA Stadium and where the NFL will next place its interest.
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NFL IN LA: JABONER JACKSON HAS RETURNED FROM BRAZIL, PART 1
By Jaboner Jackson 2:30 p.m. | After an extended stay in Brazil (Brasil) during which much has changed in the world of the NFL in LA, I have returned to the City of Angels. Since my departure to Rio de Janeiro almost a year ago, Farmers Field has imploded, Los Angeles Stadium has failed to gain momentum, and Brazil has put up more sporting facilities than the entire Southland combined. Coincidence? I think not. Accordingly, it is time to update our patient Wonderful Readers on the NFL in LA. Today, FOOTBALLPHDS reviews what has gone wrong with the NFL in LA during my absence. In Part 2, we look to the future of the NFL in LA. Finally, we close out Part 3 with a leisurely stroll through my (almost) year in Brazil, including updates on all of our Intelligent Staff and the stadium boom occurring in the plastic surgery capital of the world.
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BREAKING NEWS: THE NFL DRAFT IS ON THURSDAY AND BOTH TODD MCSHAY AND MEL “THE CRAPPER” KIPER JR ARE STILL IDIOTS
By Rock Mayock 11:30 p.m. | This coming Thursday, April 25, the 2013 NFL Draft will be broadcast live from New York City’s Radio City Music Hall. Fortunately for the educated viewing audience, there will be two options to choose from when deciding from whom you would like to obtain your up to the second Draft coverage. Those choices are BSPN and the NFL Network. Lets evaluate your choices.
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JABONER JACKSON HAS (SORTA) RETURNED: JAMARCUS RUSSELL OR BUST
By Jaboner Jackson’s Administrative Assistant at 2 p.m. | Jaboner Jackson looks like he is finally ready to return from his almost year-long voyage to the jungles of Brazil. During his absence, the NFL in LA has completely fallen apart. Coincidence? Maybe not! Maybe he sabotaged it by going to Brazil. But he has sent word through telegram (he has no cell phone in the jungles) that he is excited about Jamarcus Russell’s possible return to the pros.
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STACK RANKING THE BEST QUARTERBACKS AVAILABLE IN THE 2013 NFL DRAFT
By Rock Mayock 10:30 p.m. | Greetings wonderful readers! After spending 6 weeks sequestered on a jury for a robbery/double murder trial, it is time for your man Rock Mayock to return to the pressing business of great football analysis. As you may recall, our intrepid Pac-12 Special Assistant, Lina, attended the 2013 NFL Combine to evaluate this year’s crop of quarterback prospects. Needless to say, Lina was underwhelmed by what she saw. Nonetheless, the FOOTBALLPHDS are compelled to stack rank this year’s crop of prospective NFL Draft quarterbacks. Without further ado, here is the cream of the crop.
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BREAKING NEWS! DARRYL “DOUBLETAP” JENKINS III SPOTTED AT THE 2013 DAYTONA 500 WITH NASCAR SUPERSTAR KEVIN HARVICK
By Rock Mayock 4:00 a.m. | As we know the FOOTBALLPHDS’ home office has been a virtual ghost town over the past 12 months. Rock Mayock has been shuttling back and forth to Amsterdam attempting to establish the FOOTBALLPHDS’ European headquarters, Jaboner Jackson went native in the jungles of Brazil and Darryl “DoubleTap” Jenkins III has been gallivanting around the globe with Cousin Felipe’s mom. With the PhDs scattered to the four corners of the world there is no telling where their current whereabouts are. That was until this past Monday, when Cousin Felipe received an e-mail from a reader who identified himself as “Trojae.”
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PAC-12 RESEARCH ASSISTANT LINA’S REPORT FROM THE 2013 NFL COMBINE, DAY 1
By Pac-12 Research Assistant Lina, from Indianapolis 11:50 p.m. | Hey guys, it’s Lina! I’m in Indy and it’s COLD! It’s all snowy and shit and the outside temps aren’t supposed to get out of the 40’s next week. Why does the NFL hold the Combine here? Don’t they know that us Vegas girls hate the cold? At least Lucas Oil Stadium is warm inside and the guys running through drills are pretty hot.
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