THE JUGS BELONG TO…
By Rock Mayock 9:00 a.m.| The FOOTBALLPHDS’ Human Resources Manager, Rochelle! Ever since she joined the FOOTBALLPHDS in September 2011, Rochelle has become an indispensible part of the team. Her straight forward progressive decision making has been instrumental in terms of expanding both the FOOTBALLPHDS’ organization and the brand. Without her guidance it would have been impossible for the PhDs to retain the services of 2 research assistants, a barista, personal trainer, photo assistant and staff mathematician. Despite all of her talents, Rochelle has labeled our month long celebration of “The Jugs of June” as masochistic and without taste. Nonetheless, we would like to thank Rochelle for kind of sort of agreeing to take part in this month’s festivities.
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NAME THE JUGS
By Rock Mayock, 10:00 a.m. | In the words of the fat chick in Office Space “Happy Monday everybody!” Does that statement make everyone as depressed as it made the Lehman Bros. pre-golden parachute FOOTBALLPHDS? The good news is that we have made it to June. That means two things, we are at halfway point for the year and it’s officially bikini season! To help celebrate this momentous occasion, we are designating the month as “The Jugs of June,” and will focus our attention upon naming mystery pairs of jugs.
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THE TATTOOS BELONG TO…
By Rock Mayock 5:00 p.m. | Former adult movie superstar and current train wreck, Janine Lindemulder. The combination of her girl next door California beach blonde good looks and her insatiable “appetite” for carpet made Janine a mainstay in the adult entertainment world for nearly 20 years. She was catapulted into stardom with her appearance in Penthouse as the December 1997 Pet of the Month. From there Janine went on to become one of the brightest stars in the world of girl/girl porn. She would go on to star in classics such as Blonde Justice, Vegablonde (BOING!), Blondage, Oral Obsession and just about every installment of the Where The Boys Aren’t franchise. In short, Janine was as BOING! as they came.
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NAME THE TATS
By Rock Mayock 11:00 p.m. | Good evening wonderful readers. It has been quite some time since our last installment of Name the…. In this spirit of returning the contest to its origins, we have a variety of monthly themes to choose from. May is South Asian Heritage Month, Jewish American Heritage Month, Asian Pacific American Heritage Month and National Drinking Water Month. Let’s be honest, how interesting are any one of these themes? Not very. Therefore we will embrace a lesser known recreational activity celebrated throughout May, National Masturbation Month!
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THE STACHE BELONGS TO…
By Rock Mayock 10:00 p.m. | Singer, producer, actor and undisputed King of Ranchera music, Vicente Fernandez. Fernandez was born in 1940 to Ramon Hernandez in the sleepy town of Huenitian El Alto, Jalisco, Mexico. He grew up on a ranch in Guadalajara and worked in his uncle’s restaurant as a dish washer, cashier, waiter and eventual manager before going on to become an institution in the world of Mexican folk (ranchera) music.
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NAME THE STACHE
By Rock Mayock 8:30 p.m. | Greetings wonderful readers. For the past month Rock Mayock has been sequestered in the beautiful Compton Superior Courthouse performing the civic service known as jury duty. As this civic obligation draws to an end, Mayock’s attention has once again turned to mustaches.
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THE STACHE BELONGS TO…
By Rock Mayock 9:30 p.m. | The OG PhD of Los Angeles, the late great Dr. Gerald “Jerry” Hatten Buss. The life of Dr. Buss reads like a Hollywood script. A self made billionaire who was born of very humble roots in Salt Lake City. Dr. Buss discovered his lifelong soul mate while earning his PhD in chemistry from USC, the City of Los Angeles. Never one to be satisfied with the status quo, Dr. Buss was bored with the day to day tedium of academia. As a result he began dabbling in the world of real estate with a modest investment of $1,000 in a West Los Angeles apartment building.
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NAME THE STACHE
By Rock Mayock 11:15 p.m. | Greetings wonderful readers. For too long the FOOTBALLPHDS have neglected our duty to present you with mustaches to identify. Therefore we will not waste time with lip service apologies and instead dive follicles first into the naming the owner of this stache.
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