By Rock Mayock 9:00 a.m.| It’s a somber morning for our wonderful readers as April 15, commemorates the day that the tax man demands his tidings. Let’s face facts, income taxes are the bane of our existence. Although taxes are unpleasant, establishing a strategy can help alleviate the pain. Always remember that tax planning is a year long endeavor, however, it’s never too late for the FOOTBALLPHDS to dispense money saving advice. Please remember that the FOOTBALLPHDS do not profess to be licensed tax professionals. We strongly recommend that you solicit the services of a CPA to cater a tax strategy that best suits your individual needs.
By Rock Mayock 11:00 p.m. | A warning to the NFL: Professional football has finally returned to Southern California… kind of. This evening commemorates the inaugural home game for Los Angeles’ newest professional sports franchise, the LA KISS. Although the LA KISS are part of the Net10 Wireless Arena Football League, they represent the first professional football action to grace our fair city since The Los Angeles Avengers went belly up in 2008. Who do we have to thank for bestowing this gift upon the denizens of Los Angeles? None other than the Demon, Gene Simmons, and the Star Child, Paul Stanley. In our ongoing effort to keep our wonderful readers abreast on everything they need to know about what’s important in the world, here are the details on the LA KISS.
By Rock Mayock 12:00 p.m. | Over the past two weeks, out quaint town of Los Angeles has been plagued by a swarm of earthquakes. Pandemonium has become rampant due to the 24/7 “news coverage” of the near certainty that the Big One will strike. Although earthquakes are as LA as the Dodgers and Lakers, they are unsettling nonetheless. In effort to prepare our wonderful readers for whatever calamity life might throw their way, the FOOTBALLPHDS present a refresher on how survive an earthquake.
By Rock Mayock 10:00 p.m. | On February 12, 2014, Hollywood will unleash its latest insult upon the American people. After successfully ruining The Karate Kid, Total Recall, Conan and Red Dawn; Hollywood has set its sights upon sodomizing yet another 80’s classic, RoboCop.
By Felipe Trinidad, Webmaster at 3:30 p.m. | After dozens of false starts, it looks like the entire group of FOOTBALLPHDS are back in Los Angeles! Rock Mayock, Doubletap Jenkins III, and Jaboner Jackson have all been spotted at LAX by Wonderful Readers—or technically at the Bare Elegance gentlemen’s club near LAX. Here are the text message I’ve received from the PHDS (who have become known as the GEDs around the barren offices lately) since Monday night—and my actions to them:
By Rock Mayock, photos by Edwin “EJ” Jiminez, 9:30 p.m. | Greetings wonderful readers. For years the FOOTBALLPHDS have been sharing our profound mystical understanding of the most delectable brews. Although our trek up and down the West Coast has been both fruitful and fulfilling, at some point in time one must turn the reigns over to a new generation to continue the journey. Today we officially hand the keys to the FOOTBALLPHDS’ beer wagon to our newest research assistant, the lovely and talented Ryan (yes, Ryan has a boy’s name but make no mistake, she is not a he). Without further ado, meet the FOOTBALLPHDS’ official brew master, Ryan.
By Jessica C., Research Assistant, 1 p.m. | Well look at this…the FOOTBALLPHDS are actually trying to get back to work after what seems like a decade of vacation. This means there are a lot of “WORK” songs being blared at the offices this week, even though they still aren’t actually working. (Note to PHDs: Doing kettle bell swings and pushups while watching Martha Stewart is not considered “work.”) Which is the right “WORK” song to get your boss off your back? Battle…and winner ahead.
By Rock Mayock 11:00 p.m. | While Jaboner and I allow our hammers to swing freely at the Sao Paulo nudist colony, we received disturbing news from Cousin Felipe. Felipe was able to pull himself away from Internet porn just long enough to shoot a quick email notifying us that Los Angeles/Long Beach car selling legend Cal Worthington passed away Sunday night from old age. For those of our wonderful readers who are not acquainted with Cal; here is a brief synopsis of the man, his life and why he holds a special place in the FOOTBALLPHDS’ collective hearts.