By Rock Mayock 11:00 p.m. | Despite the FOOTBALLPHDS’ on again off again hiatus, we have managed to keep our finger on the pulse of what truly interests our wonderful readers; sports and finance. Coincidentally, these two themes have played a prominent role in the national news as Shelly Sterling has negotiated the sale of her estranged husband Donald Sterling’s Los Angeles Clippers to former Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer for an NBA record $2 billion USD. Through the magic of California community property laws this pending sale would immediately catapult Shelly into the exclusive billionaire’s club. These events have forced the FOOTBALLPHDS to consider our sugar mommy options should we foolishly squander our Lehman Brothers golden parachute money. Here is the FOOTBALLPHDS’ stack ranking of the most eligible sugar mommies.
By Rock Mayock 9:00 a.m.| It’s a somber morning for our wonderful readers as April 15, commemorates the day that the tax man demands his tidings. Let’s face facts, income taxes are the bane of our existence. Although taxes are unpleasant, establishing a strategy can help alleviate the pain. Always remember that tax planning is a year long endeavor, however, it’s never too late for the FOOTBALLPHDS to dispense money saving advice. Please remember that the FOOTBALLPHDS do not profess to be licensed tax professionals. We strongly recommend that you solicit the services of a CPA to cater a tax strategy that best suits your individual needs.
By Rock Mayock 11:00 p.m. | A warning to the NFL: Professional football has finally returned to Southern California… kind of. This evening commemorates the inaugural home game for Los Angeles’ newest professional sports franchise, the LA KISS. Although the LA KISS are part of the Net10 Wireless Arena Football League, they represent the first professional football action to grace our fair city since The Los Angeles Avengers went belly up in 2008. Who do we have to thank for bestowing this gift upon the denizens of Los Angeles? None other than the Demon, Gene Simmons, and the Star Child, Paul Stanley. In our ongoing effort to keep our wonderful readers abreast on everything they need to know about what’s important in the world, here are the details on the LA KISS.
By Rock Mayock 12:00 p.m. | Over the past two weeks, out quaint town of Los Angeles has been plagued by a swarm of earthquakes. Pandemonium has become rampant due to the 24/7 “news coverage” of the near certainty that the Big One will strike. Although earthquakes are as LA as the Dodgers and Lakers, they are unsettling nonetheless. In effort to prepare our wonderful readers for whatever calamity life might throw their way, the FOOTBALLPHDS present a refresher on how survive an earthquake.
By Rock Mayock 10:00 p.m. | On February 12, 2014, Hollywood will unleash its latest insult upon the American people. After successfully ruining The Karate Kid, Total Recall, Conan and Red Dawn; Hollywood has set its sights upon sodomizing yet another 80’s classic, RoboCop.
By Felipe Trinidad, Webmaster at 3:30 p.m. | After dozens of false starts, it looks like the entire group of FOOTBALLPHDS are back in Los Angeles! Rock Mayock, Doubletap Jenkins III, and Jaboner Jackson have all been spotted at LAX by Wonderful Readers—or technically at the Bare Elegance gentlemen’s club near LAX. Here are the text message I’ve received from the PHDS (who have become known as the GEDs around the barren offices lately) since Monday night—and my actions to them:
By Rock Mayock, photos by Edwin “EJ” Jiminez, 9:30 p.m. | Greetings wonderful readers. For years the FOOTBALLPHDS have been sharing our profound mystical understanding of the most delectable brews. Although our trek up and down the West Coast has been both fruitful and fulfilling, at some point in time one must turn the reigns over to a new generation to continue the journey. Today we officially hand the keys to the FOOTBALLPHDS’ beer wagon to our newest research assistant, the lovely and talented Ryan (yes, Ryan has a boy’s name but make no mistake, she is not a he). Without further ado, meet the FOOTBALLPHDS’ official brew master, Ryan.