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14Feb/132

BIG PIMPING WITH OJ

The Juice living largeBy Rock Mayock 7:45 p.m. |  Filed under the category of “pimping ain’t easy” is the ongoing saga of Orenthal James “OJ” Simpson, better known as The Juice. Although OJ’s story should be well known to all, we will provide a Readers’ Digest recap for the uninformed.

The Juice was once regarded as one of the greatest running backs to ever play college or professional football. He was prolific at USC, winning the University’s second Heisman Trophy in 1968. He went on to become the #1 overall draft pick in the 1969 NFL Draft, going to the Buffalo Bills where he played between 1969-1977. OJ lead the league in rushing four times and was the first person to rush for over 2,000-yards in one NFL season(2,003 yards in only 14 regular season games). Post playing career, OJ enjoyed success as an actor, side line commentator and pitchman. OJ’s triumphs have been overshadowed by his  legal troubles, some of which are deserved and others not quite as deserved.

As we know The Juice was found innocent during the criminal* trial for the obvious murder suicide of Nicole Brown Simpson and her boyfriend Ron Goldman. He was later found to be liable for the deaths of Brown and Goldman during the subsequent civil** trial filed by the money grubbing Fred Goldman. OJ then went on to experience issues with the IRS due to tax evasion and eventually found himself in a Nevada jail for an incident involving an alleged assault, robbery, kidnapping and use of a deadly weapon. The Nevada charges resulted with the 61 year old OJ finding himself serving a 33 year prison sentence.

Never one to wilt in the face of adversity, OJ has found a new lease on life within the prison system. According to a FOOTBALLPHDS’ source deep within the Nevada penal system, OJ has established himself as the de facto godfather of the Lovelock Correctional Center. Our source indicates that OJ manages his burgeoning prison empire from his palatial 80 sq ft prison cell. How did OJ ingratiate himself to a general population of hardened prison thugs? By hosting celebrity laden social functions! Thanks to his acquisition of an in cell television, The Juice recently threw a Super Bowl party for all of his prison friends.  In cell television sets are a prison rarity, but when your pimp hand is strong anything is possible. It just goes to show that you can’t keep some men down.  So the next time you are faced with a trying (pun intended) situation, please think to yourself, “What would OJ do?” (Please be aware the FOOTBALLPHDS neither condone nor endorse the physical/verbal abuse, homicide or any other bodily harm perpetuated against another individual).

 

Rock

rock@footballphds.com

 

* A criminal trial involves judgment regarding whether or not an individual has broken a law. During a criminal trial, the burden falls upon the State (prosecutors) to prove beyond a reasonable doubt that the individual on trial has in fact broken the law. Criminal trials can result with prison time.

** A civil trial takes place when somebody sues someone else for money. The burden falls upon the claimant (the person suing) to prove that the preponderance evidence (51% or more probability) supports that the defendant (the person being sued) is responsible for some kind of damages. Civil trials can result with monetary compensation.

Comments (2) Trackbacks (0)
  1. This is the most offensive thing I’ve read in years

    “the subsequent civil** trial filed by the money grubbing Fred Goldman”

    Seeking justice is not money grubbing.

  2. Forget offensive. The question is how, or why, OJ is holding two cigars in one hand. Does a brother need a smoke that bad?


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