By Rock Mayock 12:00 a.m. | Holy Cow! It’s been a very busy 4 weeks since we conducted our last roll call and a lot has happened in the world around us. In order to keep our wonderful readers educated about the things that matter we have condensed the month’s news into easy to digest tidbits of knowledge. Without further ado here are the things you need to know…
The East Coast is being bombarded with rain, wind and tidal surge thanks to Hurricane Sandy. For our friends and readers East of the Mississippi, hunker down and grab a WiFi connection where you can because it’s going to be a tough couple of days. Whatever you do please don’t be like those idiot storm chasers on Discovery Channel or the equally idiot news crews who insist upon standing in the “middle of the action” in the name of journalism.
Apparently the World Series is over and the San Francisco Giants swept the Detroit Tigers en route to winning their second championship in the past 3 years. Who knew?!? All of this time our resident barista Ana V. has assured the office that the Dodgers and Angels were still in it. I guess we should limit her to working the Clover machine.
After years of rumors and allegations of doping, Lance Armstrong was officially stripped of his 7 Tour de France trophies by the US Anti Doping Agency (USADA) and Union Cycliste Internationale (UCI). The ironic thing is that USADA and UCI would be forced to give Armstrong’s Tour de France titles to the 23rd or 24th place finisher in order to find a “clean” competitor. Do everyone a favor and admit it’s a dirty sport just like baseball did and put an asterisk next to all of Armstrong’s cycling wins.
In even more sports news the start of the NHL season has been delayed due to some kind collective bargaining dispute work stoppage. The FOOTBALLPHDS’ would offer insight into this situation if we actually cared about hockey.
On a similar note the MLS post season may have started as well. Could one of our wonderful readers please notify us when a champion has been determined?
In yet even more sports news, the NBA season starts this week. Apparently the Lakers have added Steve Nash and Dwight Howard to their roster and are the favorites to win the Western Conference. The FOOTBALLPHDS will play the role of BASKETBALLPHDS and proclaim the Miami Heat as our odds on favorites to win the Larry O’Brien Trophy.
In other NBA news, Commissioner David Stern has announced that he will step down at the end of the 2013 season. Without a doubt David Stern reigns as the preeminent commissioner presiding over any professional sports league. Stern is largely responsible for converting the NBA from a second rate TV product and turning it into a global brand. Good luck in your future endeavors Commie Stern!
As a public service announcement to our wonderful readers, please remember that next Tuesday, November 6, 2012, is Election Day. Regardless of where your political allegiances fall be sure to go out and exercise your most fundamental right as an American citizen and vote.
Last but not least, Wednesday is Halloween. Perhaps you can take a page out of this gentleman’s playbook and make your own costume that is fun for both you AND the ladies. Just remember the following:
1. Don’t be the drunk asshole that everyone wishes had not come to the party.
2. Think before you drink and treat the ladies with respect (trust me, it will get you more action).
3. A $50 cab ride is a hell of a lot cheaper than a $5,000 DUI ticket.
4. Have fun.