By Rock Mayock 11:30 p.m. | Halloween is undoubtedly the fan favorite holiday in the FOOTBALLPHDS’ office. Who wouldn’t love to watch Ana V., Rochelle, Jessica C., Brittany Lauren and Lina dress up in costumes and prance around the office. The office girls are hard at work collaborating on their Dal*Shabet themed group costume. Although I have no idea what Dal*Shabet is all about I don know there is something very BOING! about cute girls in short shorts singing Mr. Bang Bang.
While the girls are out doing their trick or treating thing Jaboner, DoubleTap and Rock plan on drinking Hop at the Dark and watching horror flicks. This year Cousin Felipe has assured us that he has compiled a collection of YouTube clips that will “scare the caca” out of us. After watching hundreds of clips from Felipe’s secret stash we were left with an overall sense of horror. This horror was not induced by cheesy slasher movies but rather the fleeting glimpse into the inner thoughts of Felipe Trinidad. Without further ado, here are the top 5 scariest/entertaining clips from Cousin Felipe’s stash.
5.) Al Bundy Sees His Mother In Law Naked: The reason why this clip is scary is because all of the FOOTBALLPHDS have encountered this exact same scenario during our combine 22 marriages. The terror induced by seeing your mother in law naked is no laughing matter. To this day Jaboner still wilts in fear over the memory of the Cathy Shower Incident of 1997. Having learned from Jaboner’s misfortune, DoubleTap has devised a brilliant scheme to avoid this unsightly scenario. Never get married and strictly prohibit your spouse/girlfriend’s parents from overnight visits.
4.) The Titanic Theme Song: We are not sure what is worse about this piece of crap movie; the over 3 hour runtime or this god awful song. This movie successfully surpassed Ghost as the most excruciating date movie any man has been forced to endure. For 194 minutes audiences were forced to watch Kate pine after Leo, Leo pine after Kate and then the Titanic sink in what seemed like real time. For our masochist readers you will delight to know the new blu ray version of Titanic features sixty (60) deleted scenes. JOY!
3.) Honey Boo Boo: They walk amongst us and they are breeding. Good lord this is terrifying.
2.) The Amityville Horror: The FOOTBALLPHDS are still undecided if Amityville was real or just sensational storytelling. What we know is that picture of the kid in the second floor doorway is freaky as all hell. If there is any concrete evidence of ghosts that would be it.
1.) Fear Factor Donkey Sperm Episode: Oh man… Is this terrifying or simply gross? Either way it is compelling TV. Too bad it was banned from US broadcasting and resulted with the cancellation of the second incarnation of the OG reality TV gross out competition show. Perhaps the bigger question that is raised by this clip is who volunteered to secure the 24 ounces of donkey baby batter? You’re a sick pud Felipe.