By Rock Mayock 1:00 a.m. | Early this morning I received message from Cousin Felipe that he located Jaboner Jackson at Universidade Estadual Paulista debating the long term viability of sugar cane ethanol as a gasoline substitute in the San Paolo city of Sorocaba. Felipe’s message was garbled and confusing but apparently Jaboner has become fluent in Portuguese and now looks eerily similar to Dos Equis’ Most Interesting Man in the World.
When I asked Felipe if he actually made contact with Jaboner he said something about losing him in a crowd of “giant knockered booty shaking Brazilians.” To prove his point Cousin Felipe sent this clip from his Samsung Galaxy SIII. Based upon this footage there is a very strong possibility that neither Jaboner or Felipe will ever be coming back. It may be necessary to dispatch Jessica C, Rochelle or Brittany Lauren to retrieve our missing compatriots.