By Rock Mayock 9:00 a.m. | The elusive Darryl “DoubleTap” Jenkins III has been missing for months. The last time we heard any news about DoubleTap was during his real time text message reporting from the Oscars. Since that night DoubleTap disappeared like a fart in the wind. So imagine the surprise of the entire FOOTBALLPHDS office staff when our HR Manager, Rochelle M, received a mysterious text from DoubleTap asking her to pick him up from the John Wayne Airport in Orange County.
DoubleTap did not divulge in depth details about his most recent escapades other than he was experiencing issues from “high cholesterol” and he also had to take Cousin Felipe’s mom for some “tests.” Nonetheless DoubleTap was eager to catch up on all of the news that is important to our wonderful readers. In a nutshell here is what DoubleTap has missed.
- The MLB season has started. The Dodgers are in first place and lead the NL West by 3.5 games. Conversely the Angels are off to their worst start in franchise history and are dead last in the AL West. They trail the first place Rangers by 9.5 games.
- In other baseball news, Guggenheim Baseball Management purchased the Los Angeles Dodgers from Frank McCourt for a record breaking $2.15 billion.
- The NHL playoffs are in full swing and have reached the conference semi finals. The #8 seeded LA Kings took out the #1 seeded Vancouver Canucks 4-1 and currently lead the #2 seeded St. Louis Blues 2-0.
- The NBA playoffs are also in full swing and both the Los Angeles Lakers and the Los Angeles Clippers are in the mix. The Lakers lead the Nuggets 1-0 and the Clippers lead the Grizzlies 1-0. Between the Dodgers, Kings, Lakers and Clippers the city of Los Angeles is on the cusp of once again becoming Title Town.
- The NFL draft took place April 26. As expected Andrew Luck and Robert Griffin III went #1 and #2 respectively. You can read more about the draft here and here.
- LiLo was formally released from her court mandated probation.
- Tupac Shakur rose from the grave, albeit in the form of a hologram, to perform at Coachella.
- Kim K has a new boy toy, Kanye West. Kimye is the contemporary answer to Branjelina. The FOOTBALLPHDS can’t wait for the “leaked” home video.
- Octomom Nadya Suleman is bankrupt and facing foreclosure/eviction from her La Habra home. Rumor has it that she is entertaining offers for nude photo spreads and/or porn to make ends meet. For the love of God we hope she finds alternate ways to make money.
- In Farmers Field news, AEG’s Environmental Impact Report was released. Read JJ’s breakdown of the EIR here, here and here.
- In Los Angeles Memorial Coliseum news USC has assumed control of the Coliseum from the now defunct Coliseum Commission. Read more about it here.
- The most important milestone that occurred during DoubleTap’s absence is that the FOOTBALLPHDS celebrated our first anniversary of bringing our wonderful readers real LA spin on all things NFL, NCAA, entertainment, brew and mustache related. Mazel Tov to us.
Unfortunately DoubleTap’s visit with the FOOTBALLPHDS was abbreviated as he was called off to parts unknown for business unknown. If you believe you have spotted Darryl “DoubleTap” Jenkins III please send us a photo and brief synopsis recapping the meeting to either our HR manager Rochelle (firstname.lastname@example.org) or myself (email@example.com). Whoever sends us the most compelling evidence of DoubleTap’s whereabouts will receive a FOOTBALLPHDS t-shirt.