By Rock Mayock 11:00 p.m. all photos by Edwin “EJ” Jiminez | The annual Combine trip to Indianapolis is over but the work has just commenced in regards to breaking down the 2012 NFL draft. As previously referenced the FOOTBALLPHDS will demonstrate restraint on issuing our mock draft board until we evaluate Combine data and soon to be mined pro day data. The trouble with our data mining process is that the travel expenses, top shelf alcohol, steak dinners and strip clubs can start to get a bit pricey. Like any business entity FOOTBALLPHDS is committed to exercising financial responsibility however some of the PhDs, primarily DoubleTap and Rock, have a penchant for lavish expenditures.
For these reasons our human resources manager, Rochelle M, was assigned the responsibility of managing the expense budget for Jaboner, DoubleTap and myself. Outside of isolated indiscretions on behalf of our mischievous webmaster who may or may not have used my corporate card to order a real doll there has not been a need for Rochelle to discuss aberrant charges… that is until today. Here is a brief and unedited recap of your man Rock Mayock’s post Combine office affairs review with Rochelle.
Rochelle! I feel like it has been forever since the last time I saw you. I missed you. Did you miss me?
Rock, please sit down. We need to talk.
This sounds serious. What’s on your mind?
Sweetie, I’m all business today. I’m a little worried about the amount of time Jaboner, DoubleTap and especially you are not spending in the office. Things are falling apart around here.
Ah ha! I knew it, you did miss me. Don’t front like you didn’t. Not to worry, you now have my undivided attention so let’s see what we can do to rectify things.
Well maybe I missed you skoshi… but don’t get all full of yourself . I really need either you or Jaboner to read through the resumes and my interview note for our open job postings. We’ve been talking about this for months. Sometimes you are so clueless.
I’m sorry, what were you saying? I was distracted. Why are you wearing lingerie in the middle of the day during a business meeting?
You never listen to me. Plus if you paid the drycleaner I would have more cloths to wear around the office. I told you that you and Jaboner need to review resumes and interview notes so we can make a decision on our open positions. Can’t you fill an open position?
I might have practical knowledge about that I can share with you later but I digress. Jaboner and I will review both resumes and interview notes during Thursday night bowling. What else is troubling you?
Thank you for asking. I received this in the mail yesterday from American Express. Any guess on what it is?
Off the top of my head I will guess it is either my expense report from Indianapolis or the receipt for the fabulous gift that I bought you to celebrate your 6-month anniversary with the company. Which one is it?
I hope you’re not trying to butter me up with gifts because it’s not going to work. Rock, there is a $3,700 charge to some place called Mount Olympus Entertainment! I am so disappointed, we talked about this before you left. What were you doing out there? Did you really get me a gift ?
Don’t worry my dear. While the details of my trip to Indy are a little hazy I am sure each and every dollar spent at Mount Olympus Entertainment was 100% necessary. To answer your second question, yes. In fact you’re going to love it.
Are you sure about the $3,700?
Positive. If I’m lying may a bolt of lightning strike me down right here and now.
Alright, I’ll let this one slide but no more strip clubs. I might get jealous. Now stop teasing me! I want to see my present!
You’re sure you want to see it?
Perv, I’m writing you up.
Rochelle M. heads up Human Resources for the FOOTBALLPHDS. She is a San Francisco 49ers fan and fierce negotiator. Send your resume to her at firstname.lastname@example.org.
Edwin Jimenez is one of the FOOTBALLPHDS' team photographers. He can be found scouring Los Angeles to bring both the city and football to life via his photography. You can contact him email@example.com.