By Jaboner Jackson with all photos by Stanton Jack 12 pm | With our esteemed and unrivaled college football and NFL draft PHD, Rock Mayock, settling the financial affairs of the FOOTBALLPHDS in the Eurozone, our overworked and underappreciated AFC West Research Assistant, Jessica C., got the opportunity to frequent this weekend’s USC-Minnesota game at the Los Angeles Memorial Coliseum in Rock’s place. Jessica C. joined Doubletap Jenkins III, Stanton Jack, and me in an afternoon of PAC 12 frustration in the Cardinal and Gold section. While some of the Wonderful Readers will undoubtedly skip straight to Stanton Jack’s photo gallery of Jessica C., it’s worthwhile to get her opinion on what went right and wrong for USC this weekend.
First of all, why were you trying to wear a Philip Rivers jersey to the USC game?
Come on, Jaboner. That’s my team. Anyway, I changed into USC clothes, didn’t I?
Yes, strong work. Secondly, why are you being so mean to Stanton in the pictures after the USC game? Why are you giving him the middle finger? And what exactly are you doing what that Barbie necklace? Don’t you know this is a family website?
Stanton annoys me at times. As do you, Jaboner.
Fair enough. My wife and ex-wives have all said the same. Back to football--the USC Trojans beat Minnesota on Saturday at the Coliseum by the score of 19-17. Did USC look like a top 25 team?
Everything that Rock Mayock has written about them over the past few months is true. They’re not elite anymore.
Lane “Lance” Kiffin for some reason kept going for 2-point conversions and failing to complete them. When Lance finally decided to kick an extra point, the Coliseum erupted in mock applause. Thoughts?
I admit that I don’t follow NCAA football much but I definitely remember Kiffin from his days with the Oakland Raiders. I remember him sending Janikoskwi out to kick a 76-yard field goal. Kiffin seems to have brain farts.
To be honest, I’m not quite sure how Kiffin’s terrible coaching with the Raiders led him to land a head coaching gig in the SEC and then a head coaching gig with the Trojans. It seems like the people hiring him are putting a lot of faith in a very unproven track record.
Rock always says that this could very well be Lance’s last year. How would you rate the general feeling in the Coliseum amongst fans and alumni?
Since this is my first USC game, I don’t really have a comparison point. I mean, I’m actually very surprised you guys let me out of the offices for once. I thought I was going to have to watch more AFC West preseason game tape this weekend while you guys take all the glory by blogging off of my game tape notes and hard work.
Ah, yes. Well, we all know that the FOOTBALLPHDS do not believe in preseason NFL football. Anyway, this is how PHDs in training—like yourself—learn the nitty gritty. You got to watch the game tape that we don’t want to.
Sure, whatever. Anyway, the Coliseum was less crowded than I thought it would be. You guys are always saying that the place is 90,000 seats of mayhem and tradition but it felt more like only 60,000 showed up. I’m guessing it’s probably related to another year of sanctions for cheating and another year without Pete Carroll.
I’m not sure ‘cheating’ is the right word, Jessica.
What would you call it? Paying to play? Aren't you supposed to uncover the shadiness of sports?
Hmm. Let’s change the subject. Robert Woods put up 177 yards and 3 touchdowns on 17 catches. The 17 catches was a USC record. Impressed?
I actually was impressed but then Doubletap kept saying that Robert Woods is no Keyshawn Johnson. I’m not sure who Keyshawn Johnson is but it seems like you guys are in love with him.
Yes, Keyshawn Johnson was one of our original man crushes. To this day, he holds the Rose Bowl record with 216 yards in the 1996 game against Northwestern.
You guys like to live in the past a lot. You know that, right?
No we don’t. Now tell me how John David Booty looked on Saturday. Uh, I mean Matt Barkley.
Barkley looked good. He and Roger Woods have a special chemistry and are probably going to terrorize defenses this season. But I thought it strange that USC didn’t score in the second half. In the NFL, that failure would fall on the shoulders of the quarterback. At the college level, it falls on the shoulders of the coaches.
Thanks for joining us on Saturday, Jessica. Don’t forget that Daylight Saving Time ends on November 6.
What are you talking about, Jaboner? Can I go now? I have Philip Rivers game tape from 2010 to watch before the NFL season starts. And are you guys taking me to the Raiders-Chargers game too?