TIM TEBOW’S FREE AGENT SIGNING BY THE PATRIOTS AND BILL BELICHICK’S CREATION OF A “SUPER HUNKY” ROSTER
By Rock Mayock 12:00 a.m. | Since assuming the role as head coach in 2000, Bill Belichick has molded the New England Patriots into a modern day dynasty. His approach of hoarding talent in the late rounds of the Draft coupled with selective free agent acquisitions has reshaped the way that rosters are managed in the NFL. Due to Belichick’s brilliance the game has inexorably changed.Teams have migrated away from single back offenses, the slot receiver has replaced the vertical receiver and tight end is now a focal point of offenses. Truly cutting edge stuff.
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THE JUGS BELONG TO…
By Rock Mayock 9:00 a.m.| The FOOTBALLPHDS’ Human Resources Manager, Rochelle! Ever since she joined the FOOTBALLPHDS in September 2011, Rochelle has become an indispensible part of the team. Her straight forward progressive decision making has been instrumental in terms of expanding both the FOOTBALLPHDS’ organization and the brand. Without her guidance it would have been impossible for the PhDs to retain the services of 2 research assistants, a barista, personal trainer, photo assistant and staff mathematician. Despite all of her talents, Rochelle has labeled our month long celebration of “The Jugs of June” as masochistic and without taste. Nonetheless, we would like to thank Rochelle for kind of sort of agreeing to take part in this month’s festivities.
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NFL FIVE FACTOR DEATH SPIRAL, PART 2: LEGITIMATE SAFETY CONCERNS
By Jaboner Jackson 8 a.m. | Earlier this week, footballphds.com reviewed the First Factor in the NFL Five Factor Death Spiral. The Death Spiral refers to a series of interrelated factors that threaten the current economic and spectator success of professional football. Specifically, the Death Spiral demonstrates how league revenue, particularly as derived from future television contracts, will retract. The first concern related to sanitization of the game, otherwise known as the No Fun League. Much of the NFL's effort to make the game increasingly comfortable for corporations has eradicated player personality. However, more pressing issues related to player safety, particularly as related to concussions and Chronic Traumatic Encephalopathy--both of which we have reviewed extensively with our medical expert, Hassan A. Riaz, MD, MBA--have taken precedence over corporate sanitization. Today, we examine Legitimate Safety Concerns as the Second Factor in the Five Factor NFL Death Spiral.
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BRITTANY LAUREN’S WORK OUT OF THE DAY
By Brittany Lauren, the FOOTBALLPHDS’ personal trainer, 10:00 a.m. | First things first, Memorial Weekend in Cancun was AWESOME! The people are nice, the food is good, the air/water are clean, my tan is fierce and everyone is in great shape. Imagine my disappointment when I came home and found all three of my boys a physical mess. How did DoubleTap, Jaboner and Rock get so gordo so fast? It might have something to do with the boxes of Porto’s empanadas, empty bottles of Pliny, discarded Takis bags and a half eaten chocoflan that I found in Rock’s office. These porkers need to get their act together fast because Speedo season is only 2 weeks away.
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NFL FIVE FACTOR DEATH SPIRAL, PART 1: NO FUN LEAGUE
By Jaboner Jackson 8 a.m. | The NFL offseason trudges on in 2013 with the NFL enjoying unparalleled economic success due to a favorable Collective Bargaining Agreement (CBA) signed two years ago and lucrative television contracts with CBS, FOX, ESPN, and NBC inked shortly thereafter. However, current success comes with a price. Although the NFL will continue to expand its economic profitability and spectator influence this decade, the league has made tangible changes to the product of professional football that will cause irreparable long-term financial and spectator damage. Specifically, economic and spectator contraction will start to manifest during the next era of the CBA, during which media contracts will once again be upwards negotiated, but for the final time. The NFL Five Factor Death Spiral has begun.
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NAME THE JUGS
By Rock Mayock, 10:00 a.m. | In the words of the fat chick in Office Space “Happy Monday everybody!” Does that statement make everyone as depressed as it made the Lehman Bros. pre-golden parachute FOOTBALLPHDS? The good news is that we have made it to June. That means two things, we are at halfway point for the year and it’s officially bikini season! To help celebrate this momentous occasion, we are designating the month as “The Jugs of June,” and will focus our attention upon naming mystery pairs of jugs.
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WHERE ARE THEY NOW? TRACKING DOWN THE PAC10 COACHING CLASS OF 2008
By Rock Mayock 11:00 p.m. | Do you recall the era of Pac-10 athletics prior to the formation of the Pac-12 money press? It was a simpler time… Things were quaint and familiar, kind of like an old pair of comfortable slippers. The venerable Tom Hanson ran the Conference. The job security of Pac-10 head coaches’ were not indefinitely placed on the “hot seat.” Programs paid players with impunity. In short, times were good. That all changed in July 2009, when it was announced that Larry Scott would succeed Hanson as the Pac-10 Conference Commissioner. The aftermath of Scott’s appointment is well documented. The Pac-10 morphed into the Pac-12 super conference, the Pac-12 Network was born and the ensuing coaching carnage was unprecedented.
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SPECIAL RESEARCH ASSISTANT PRIYA’S TOP 10 REASONS WHY THE FOOTBALLPHDS ARE OFFICIALLY OLD
By Priya, staff mathematician, 2:30 p.m. | Things used to be slow around the office until Darryl “DoubleTap” Jenkins caught me watching YouTube clips instead of working on spreadsheets. He said that he doesn’t think that I’m “hungry enough” to be part of the FOOTBALLPHDS’ research staff because I should be hustling to find material for the PhDs to break down. I tried to tell Darryl that it’s not my fault that neither Jaboner nor Mayock assigned me any work to do but he didn’t want any part of that. He said to stop making excuses and start creating results. I guess he’s right.
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