By Rock Mayock 11:00 p.m. | Despite the FOOTBALLPHDS’ on again off again hiatus, we have managed to keep our finger on the pulse of what truly interests our wonderful readers; sports and finance. Coincidentally, these two themes have played a prominent role in the national news as Shelly Sterling has negotiated the sale of her estranged husband Donald Sterling’s Los Angeles Clippers to former Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer for an NBA record $2 billion USD. Through the magic of California community property laws this pending sale would immediately catapult Shelly into the exclusive billionaire’s club. These events have forced the FOOTBALLPHDS to consider our sugar mommy options should we foolishly squander our Lehman Brothers golden parachute money. Here is the FOOTBALLPHDS’ stack ranking of the most eligible sugar mommies.
By Rock Mayock 11:00 p.m. | The sports world will rejoice when we are finally released from the grasp of Mel “The Crapper” Kiper and Todd McShay when the NFL Draft commences on Thursday, May 8. This annual event has progressively gained popularity to become the second most watched NFL event trailing only the Super Bowl. While idiot prognosticators such as Kiper and McShay have eked out a living nit picking irrelevant minutiae, the FOOTBALLPHDS have adopted a macro prospective to the event. Using our big picture lens, we are prepared to make the following fearless predictions about the 2014 NFL Draft:
By Rock Mayock, 1:00 a.m. | Congratulations California, you have reaffirmed your stranglehold upon the title of Most Unfriendly State to Operate a Business! Your crippling combination of exorbitant corporate taxes, workers’ compensation expense, excessive minimum wage requirements, and onerous environmental regulations has resulted with yet another titan of industry electing to test their fortunes elsewhere.
By Rock Mayock 9:00 a.m.| It’s a somber morning for our wonderful readers as April 15, commemorates the day that the tax man demands his tidings. Let’s face facts, income taxes are the bane of our existence. Although taxes are unpleasant, establishing a strategy can help alleviate the pain. Always remember that tax planning is a year long endeavor, however, it’s never too late for the FOOTBALLPHDS to dispense money saving advice. Please remember that the FOOTBALLPHDS do not profess to be licensed tax professionals. We strongly recommend that you solicit the services of a CPA to cater a tax strategy that best suits your individual needs.
By Rock Mayock 11:00 p.m. | A warning to the NFL: Professional football has finally returned to Southern California… kind of. This evening commemorates the inaugural home game for Los Angeles’ newest professional sports franchise, the LA KISS. Although the LA KISS are part of the Net10 Wireless Arena Football League, they represent the first professional football action to grace our fair city since The Los Angeles Avengers went belly up in 2008. Who do we have to thank for bestowing this gift upon the denizens of Los Angeles? None other than the Demon, Gene Simmons, and the Star Child, Paul Stanley. In our ongoing effort to keep our wonderful readers abreast on everything they need to know about what’s important in the world, here are the details on the LA KISS.
By Rock Mayock 12:00 p.m. | Over the past two weeks, out quaint town of Los Angeles has been plagued by a swarm of earthquakes. Pandemonium has become rampant due to the 24/7 “news coverage” of the near certainty that the Big One will strike. Although earthquakes are as LA as the Dodgers and Lakers, they are unsettling nonetheless. In effort to prepare our wonderful readers for whatever calamity life might throw their way, the FOOTBALLPHDS present a refresher on how survive an earthquake.