By Rock Mayock 9:00 a.m.| It’s a somber morning for our wonderful readers as April 15, commemorates the day that the tax man demands his tidings. Let’s face facts, income taxes are the bane of our existence. Although taxes are unpleasant, establishing a strategy can help alleviate the pain. Always remember that tax planning is a year long endeavor, however, it’s never too late for the FOOTBALLPHDS to dispense money saving advice. Please remember that the FOOTBALLPHDS do not profess to be licensed tax professionals. We strongly recommend that you solicit the services of a CPA to cater a tax strategy that best suits your individual needs.
By Rock Mayock 11:00 p.m. | A warning to the NFL: Professional football has finally returned to Southern California… kind of. This evening commemorates the inaugural home game for Los Angeles’ newest professional sports franchise, the LA KISS. Although the LA KISS are part of the Net10 Wireless Arena Football League, they represent the first professional football action to grace our fair city since The Los Angeles Avengers went belly up in 2008. Who do we have to thank for bestowing this gift upon the denizens of Los Angeles? None other than the Demon, Gene Simmons, and the Star Child, Paul Stanley. In our ongoing effort to keep our wonderful readers abreast on everything they need to know about what’s important in the world, here are the details on the LA KISS.
By Rock Mayock 12:00 p.m. | Over the past two weeks, out quaint town of Los Angeles has been plagued by a swarm of earthquakes. Pandemonium has become rampant due to the 24/7 “news coverage” of the near certainty that the Big One will strike. Although earthquakes are as LA as the Dodgers and Lakers, they are unsettling nonetheless. In effort to prepare our wonderful readers for whatever calamity life might throw their way, the FOOTBALLPHDS present a refresher on how survive an earthquake.
MARK DAVIS, DENNIS ALLEN, REGGIE MCKENZIE, AND THE INFINITE NUMBER OF REASONS WHY THE RAIDERS ARE DOOMED
By Rock Mayock 10:00 p.m. | It has been too long since the FOOTBALLPHDS have blessed our wonderful readers with the insight and wisdom they so richly deserve. During our absence, the NFL has predictably run amuck. Peyton Manning’s arm fell off in the Super Bowl, the Combine has come and gone, free agency commenced, and the integrity of the Oakland Raiders has frayed like a mighty pirate flag blowing in the autumn wind. As a proclamation of the FOOTBALLPHDS’ return to blogging, it is time to evaluate the reasons why Mark Davis, Dennis Allen, and Reggie McKenzie are dismantling our beloved Raiders and spitting (figuratively) on the grave of Al Davis.
By Rock Mayock 10:00 a.m. | Our main man from Kazakhstan, Borat Sagdiyev also known as Sacha Baron Cohen. You might recognize Borat from either his documentary, Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan, or that caterpillar on his lip that he calls a moustache.
By Rock Mayock 10:15 p.m.| For the FOOTBALLPHDS, it’s Christmas in February as the NFL Combine is scheduled to take place February 19-25, at Lucas Oil Stadium in balmy Indianapolis. Rock Mayock’s special research assistant, Lina, will be dispatched to Indy to provide in depth analysis of all of the standout prospects. In preparation for her intrepid reporting, here is a itinerary for the week’s scheduled activities:
By Rock Mayock 10:00 p.m. | On February 12, 2014, Hollywood will unleash its latest insult upon the American people. After successfully ruining The Karate Kid, Total Recall, Conan and Red Dawn; Hollywood has set its sights upon sodomizing yet another 80’s classic, RoboCop.